Dakota Johnson’s House Tour Is the Only Thing Keeping Me Calm Right Now

“I love limes,” Johnson says in a hushed tone, melting away all my coronavirus concerns.

By Christopher Rosa
March 13, 2020

The world feels like the 2011 movie Contagion right now, with coronavirus fear at an all-time high. But one thing is keeping me calm: Dakota Johnson’s Architectural Digest house tour.

Let me paint you a picture: Last night I was at the grocery store, stocking up on cereal and cans of chili I’ll never eat because it feels as if we could be quarantined any day now. In the checkout line, a person with no less than 15 jars of peanut butter in their cart started yelling at the shopper behind me for leaving their buggy unattended. I started sweating and felt my heartbeat rise, but then I played this clip on a loop from Johnson’s house tour that I’d posted to my Instagram.

It’s a world where your delicate and expensive chairs that are not meant to be outside sit by your pool because, “Who cares?” A world where you have a table made from the wood of Winston Churchill’s yacht that no one uses. You have a lemon tree and an orange tree. Crystals the size of toddlers. A People’s Choice Award. This is nirvana. Nothing can hurt you here—not tax season, not Ellen DeGeneres, and certainly not the coronavirus.

"Actually, no, that's not the truth, Ellen."

For these 10 minutes, you can pretend you actually are Dakota Johnson, gliding around your all-green kitchen, not knowing what a teacup saucer is. Your neighbors will complain that your bamboo trees are too high, but that’s okay because you’re Dakota Johnson. You can tell them to “shove it.”

In this world, there are no rules: just perfect bangs, antique pianos, and a table maybe owned by Ryan Murphy, the former keeper of the house. Trust me: You need this escape right now. It’s a thing you won’t even realize you needed until you watch it. Check out the video, below, and when you’re done, come talk to me. Aren’t you calmer? Happier? Ready to take on this pandemic with the enthusiasm Dakota Johnson has for 1stdibs? I thought so.